Steven Wright – The Sublime Comedian
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Every so often, a person comes along that simply is hard to put in a particular category. The comedian Steven Wright is certain one such person. He is utterly original, but one has to wonder where the observations come from.
If you are not familiar with Steven Wright, it is hard to know where to start. He has a huge head of frilly hair but is going bald on top. He speaks in a monotone voice, but has perfect delivery. Here are some of his choice sayings.
When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "Well, what do you need?"
Smoking cures weight problems...eventually
The sky is falling...no, I'm tipping over backwards.
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour
Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
What's another word for Thesaurus?
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence.
How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
I installed a skylight in my apartment...The people who live above me are furious!
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
About the Author, Aazdak Alisimo:
Aazdak Alisimo writes for FunnyQuotesDaily.com, where you can get free funny quotes updated each and every day of the year. RC Helicopters.
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