Shooting Arrows at Helicopters: A Survivor Story
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Resilient people share certain traits that help them bounce back from hard times. Learn more about this emotional intelligence competency.
Did you ever notice how resilient people people who seem to be able to handle the ups and down in life, and not freak out under stress are kind of, well, zany?
Al Siebert, Ph.D., who has studied resiliency for many years found that one of the qualities of survivors is having what he calls paradoxical personality traits. This means being able to be one way and also the opposite being mean and kind, selfish and altruistic, generous and stingy. My clients who read Sieberts book The Survivor Personality report appreciating the normalizing of reading that its okay to be different depending upon the situation.
It does sound like a good survival trait doesnt it? Because when hard times comes, or when change is as prevalent and continual as it is today, or our environments as multicultural as they are, we need lots of ways of being in order to have positive outcomes. What works with one person wont work with the next, and what worked today wont always work tomorrow.
Resiliency also requires a good bit of optimism, learned optimism, which isnt 100% reality-based, particularly in situations where we have to do something. In my Optimism Workshops, I always ask the participants to envision Muhammed Ali going into the ring saying, Well, Im not sure, but I think I can beat this guy. What would happen? He would get clobbered. Far wiser, wouldnt you agree, to go into the ring saying, I am the Greatest?
Theres a certain unpredictability to resilient survivors also because of these many traits and the optimism.
Reminds me of a great scene in the movie Gardens of Stone, where a character tells James Caan he knows we're going to win Viet Nam because helicopters are coming back to base with arrows in them. How can they expect to win a war when theyre shooting arrows at a helicopter?
James Caan's character counters: "How can you expect to beat someone who will shoot an arrow at a helicopter?"
So off you go then, and shoot those arrows at those helicopters, if need be. Youll keep em guessing, and likely come out ahead.
About the Author
Susan Dunn, The EQ Coach, GLOBAL EQ. Emotional intelligence coaching to enhance all areas of your life - career, relationships, midlife transition, resilience, self-esteem, parenting. EQ Alive! - excellent, accelerated, affordable EQ coach certification. Susan is the author of numerous ebooks, is widely published on the Internet, and a regular speaker for cruise lines. For marketing services go here.
